So I know it has been a long time since i’ve written, and while i’m sure that doesn’t bother anyone but me, I will say, i am sorry.
I guess I just have trouble coming up with something I feel will be worth saying, along with the fact that a lot of the time, it’s not coming up with something to say that’s the issue, it’s knowing how to say it without making myself look like a total idiot.
Maybe I worry to much about how impressionable I am, or maybe I just criticize myself too much.
Regardless. I need to keep telling myself that what I say might help someone.
It was meditating on this that brought me to the topic of this blog.
Here goes nothing.
As many people know, I struggle with fear. Not like, unnecessary paranoia, or anything, more or less, just, not knowing what could happen in my life, and letting that hold me back.
Fear of the unknown.
It started when I was probably 15 or 16, and it would only happen at night.
I would be laying in bed at night, and I would find myself drifting deeper and deeper into thought, and before I could regain control, I found myself in a whirlwind of fear, of what could happen to me and my family, or terrorists and killers taking over my world, or (yes really) even not being good enough to go home with Jesus once He comes back.
This was an ongoing struggle for a couple of years, and as I got older, and drifted from lots of things in life, this kind of thing eased off.
It’s only been rather recently (in the past year or so) that it has come back, not exactly as terribly as before, but definitely making itself known.
With all of the evil in the world, I get afraid. I won’t lie. From ISIS, to Ebola, to extremely recent terrorist attacks in Jerusalem. Stuff like this happening around me gets my blood pumping, and not in a good way. I get scared of a worsening world, and begin to block out all of the good things around me and see the bad.
How selfish of me.
How ungrateful.
I see this now. I just have to keep telling myself I am blessed.
The fear of the unknown is still present, but with a different mindset settling in its cracks.
I am Jesus’ child, and I know that I will spend eternity in Heaven with Him when I die, along with my husband and so so many of our close family and friends, but I will admit, that sometimes, not knowing what will be of me in future times, is not really scary as it is intimidating.
It requires me to use deep thought, and a lot of the time, turns in to OVER thinking things.
I have surrounded myself with a wonderful church family, blood relatives and sweet friends to try and help ease this.
I have also clung to my husband so tightly, sometimes I worry that I’ll drive him insane.
I have also clung to the Word, and music singing of Joy in the Lord.
These things help me.
It’s probably a good thing, that I try to be informed of the current events around me, but all at the same time, I feel like, blocking most of it out, and keeping my own life at center focus, along with praising the Lord and being thankful for the peace I do have, is the way I need to go.
God has brought an overwhelming amount of peace over me with His word, and whenever I start to feel that fear creeping in, I speak straight to Him, along with letting the devil know that I will NOT let him take my happiness and turn it to fear.
I WILL continue praising the Lord no matter the circumstances.
After all.
Look at this.
He wants me, and anyone else to know that there is no reason to be scared!
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
The LORD is my light and my salvation-- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life-- of whom shall I be afraid?
The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
You who fear him, trust in the LORD-- he is their help and shield.
and one of my favorites.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
I am strong and powerful in HIM.
He IS with me no matter where I am.
He loves me, wants to bless me, and take care of me in everything that I do.
GOD IS NOT MAD AT ME.
He loves me, with a level of love that I could never even imagine.
WHOM SHALL I FEAR?
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